Who I Am (personal essay)

I am a United Methodist. I do not really have any stories about my ethnicity to tell. Methodists do not really tell stories. We do not have the exciting heritage that Mennonites have. Our people did not come to America in one large group from the same country for the same reason. At least I do not think we did. We do not really talk about our heritage. I never heard stories about my ancestors from my grandparents; I discovered what I know about them through my own research.
The only relatives I have who attend my church, West Unity United Methodist Church, are my parents and my grandparents. Many of the families at my church, like mine, have relatives who attend churches of different denominations. We all have different last names and we do not think much about relations or where we came from. We do not have any ethnic foods that we eat like borscht or moon pies. We have potlucks once in a while but, then again, so do most churches.
No one in my church had ever been on a mission trip until last year when a group went to Nicaragua. There were only four of them and at least two had never been out of the country before. Usually we just have special offerings for projects or missions, most of which are in the United States.
In my church, we do not necessarily support the war but we do support our troops. We pray for them and we have a ministry to collect coupons to send to the troops. Every year on the Sunday closest to Veteran’s Day all of the veterans in my church wear their hats with all their pins and sit in the front row. As our pastor says the name of the service they were in, they stand and we recognize them. Some people get mad if we do not sing a song like “America, the Beautiful” on the Sunday closest to the Fourth of July. On one side of the stage in our sanctuary is the Christian flag and on the other side is the American flag.
Throughout my life, clarifying my denomination has not been very important. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have been asked my denomination. When I look back at the poetry I have written, none of them speak of being a United Methodist. They do not mention denomination at all. When I write, I write as a Christian, not a Methodist. That’s the way I was taught. Just as we do not focus much on heritage, we do not focus on denomination. The stories my pastor reads from the Bible during the scripture lesson are not about Methodists or Baptists; they are about Christians.
If I walk into any of the churches in my town I do not think I will feel very out of place. I will know someone there from school or work. I went to a service at the Presbyterian Church in my community once and it was very similar in structure to my own church. In the past, the churches in my community have had joint services for Christmas Eve or in the summer we set up tents at the park and had a community church service where each church helped out.
Recently, while researching my family history, I discovered that I have deep Mennonite roots on both sides of my family. My grandfather attended a Mennonite church and so did my father until he married my mother and started attending her Methodist church which is where we attend still today. My mother’s family has a long Mennonite history but I know that our family has been United Methodist dating back to before 1853. When my great grandparents moved to West Unity, Ohio from Berne, Indiana they started attending the United Methodist church because, at that time, there was no Mennonite church in West Unity. It is very strange to think that under different circumstances I could be a Mennonite living in Berne, Indiana right now. If one decision had been made differently my entire life would be changed. It also brings up interesting questions. I have always been proud of my Methodist heritage. But am I a Methodist or a Mennonite? I love peace and shy away from conflict; I like doing service and want to get more involved with missions; I attend Goshen College and I love it. But even given all of these things, I still have to conclude that in my heart I am a Methodist. Having Mennonite ancestors changes the way I view my heritage, but it does not change the way I see my life.
I attended a public high school like everyone else in my town where we went to homecoming and prom and played the national anthem before every sporting event. When my maternal, Methodist grandfather could not serve in World War II he helped by being a mechanic. My paternal grandfather, who attended a Mennonite church, fought in the Korean War. I recycle when it is convenient but in the summer I will never pass up the chance to go for a two-hour motorcycle ride with my dad around the countryside with no destination in mind. I listen to country music where faith and patriotism go hand in hand.
When I was in junior high all of my classmates seemed to be turning away from God. I was the exact opposite. I loved God so much that I secretly wanted to die so that I could be in Heaven with Him. Since then my faith has hit a rough patch or two on its journey. Every time I read scripture I find more and more questions that I do not understand: why are there two stories in Genesis, why did God harden Pharoah’s heart, do we really have a choice if God already knows everything that will happen in our life?
Last year our Conference was faced with a controversy because one of the candidates for the new CFO (chief financial officer) position was homosexual. My pastor gave a special sermon on the subject. He was disturbed because he received a petition that was being passed from congregation to congregation about the matter. He did not try to persuade us which way to lean; he explained that it is difficult to decide the answer which is why the question keeps coming up and that as Methodists “we continue the discussion, until we know the right.” He ended with what has become our congregation’s motto: “For in the end, they will not know we are Christians by our legal system, or our staunch lines, or our stated Disciplines… they will know we are Christians by our… love. Love for God, love for each other, love for the strangers in our midst.”
All my life I have had trouble making decisions. As a senior in college I still do not know what career path I would like to pursue. And the issue of homosexuality, well, that has always been a touchy subject for me because, frankly, I do not know what the right view is- I see the truth in both arguments. I have always told people I do not know where I stand on the issue but I believe we should love and treat everyone with kindness, no matter what. When I told my pastor that Mennonites are known for their view on peace and asked him what Methodists are known for, he said our political activism. But I believe that we are known for putting love above everything else, for viewing and treating everyone the same. It does not matter where you come from or what you believe; we are all the same under God’s “roof.”

Fiction's Place in Mennonite Literature

Fiction seems to be a new phenomenon in the Mennonite world. There is not very much fiction by Mennonite authors in existence. I think it is in the back burner of their minds when it comes to writing. There is a much more prominent collection of poetry, essays, and other nonfiction in Mennonite writing. Even in the Mennonite fiction I have read, there seems to be a lot of nonfiction intermingled.
It is easy to use actual experiences to shape fictional stories. In fact, that is the route most fiction writers take. You will scarcely find a piece of fiction that does not have some truth or reality in it about the writer. All of Jack Dueck’s stories had some nonfiction basis in them. He is the modern day troubadour, capturing stories of the Mennonite world and writing them down, making sure they are still told in days to come. Dueck’s stories are based on experience and written for those who will listen. He writes the inside stories but they are also the everyday stories that warm people’s hearts. I do not think there is anyone who has objected to the accuracy with which he tells these stories.
Sidney King’s Pearl Diver is also sprinkled with nonfiction aspects. Through Hannah, King explores the difficult question that Mennonite writers are faced with: do they tell the stories of their community? Are they theirs to tell? In Pearl Diver, this question seems even harder to answer because, while it seems that the story of her mother’s death is definitely Hannah’s story to tell, it is also Marian’s story and her wishes and feelings are important too; especially in light of the secret she carries with her about that night. King also explores the ways that Mennonites practice being “in the world but not of it.” I believe this practice is the reason for the shortage of Mennonite fiction in the world. I think the viewpoint is something like “why spend your time making up wild stories when you should be using your time to study the word of God.” Although the story is fiction the issues it presents are very real within the Mennonite world.
Stephen Byler’s Searching for Intruders contains a lot of nonfiction in it. If one knows Byler’s biography, it becomes very obvious that Wilson Hues is the spitting image of Byler. But Byler’s story is different as it is without question his story to tell, being his life.
There are many questions to consider about fiction if the work is going to have any basis in nonfiction. Even Rudy Weibe’s Peace Shall Destroy Many, which is pure fiction but is based on the Canadian Mennonite community he was raised in, caused him some grief when the people of that community did not agree with his portrayal. The question is posed here of being culturally accurate or humanly compelling. In my mind I believe that being humanly compelling should win out. In my mind, Weibe’s community should not take offense at his writing because it is clearly labeled as a work of fiction and as such he has the right to write it however he pleases. Saying that his book is based on an actual place does not mean that it is an exact replica, it only means that parts may seem similar while other parts may not.
All of this said, I do not think the role of Mennonite fiction in the future will be very large. I think the subject will continue to be controversial and that these issues will hinder its growth. Even if this genre does continue to grow within the realm of Mennonite literature, Mennonites are such a small and specialized group that I do not think it is possible for Mennonite fiction to play an important or large role in literature as a whole.